To all aspiring young scientists who might be reading this blog post, if you’re considering a career in science that involves doing a PhD, let me tell you this – when someone uses the phrase ‘wedded to your work’ – they mean it in as literal a manner as possible, given that your work isn’t actually a real person and your relationship isn’t officially recognized (however if you’re lucky you do get a certificate, and unlike other forms of marriages that aren’t recognized, you’re lauded and not ostracized). I just feel like one of those couples who go through a tough time after a long marriage but rediscover the flame after a second honeymoon.. Three years into grad school and just as short a while ago as the beginning of this summer, I felt like I’d had just about enough and was ready to quit. This is not a good place to be if you recognize that you are, at the very most, about halfway into your PhD. A combination of circumstances managed to turn this train around, of which two conversations stand out in my memory of the past few weeks.
The first is a conversation with my prof. For all that he now seems to me like the busiest person on the planet, I still do meet him every other week for half an hour of very inspiring quality time. About a month ago, I was not only half an hour late for this conversation with no good reason (I forgot it was a Friday) but I also nearly broke down and cried. To his credit, Prof simply ignored the crying part and instead asked me what my goals were. “To get a PhD,” I sniffled miserably. While this seemed like a perfectly reasonable goal before, at the end of that conversation I realized that it wasn’t, and in fact was just my problem – I’d got so sucked up into the act of doing things required to keep me in the program that would get me a PhD that I forgot why I chose to get it in the first place! This answer might be different for everyone. A lot of people who commit to science may do it for the excitement of discovery, or out of the desire to improve our knowledge of the natural world, to contribute to medical breakthroughs and so on. Me – I came in to learn. The most attractive thing about the whole grad school program for me was that I’d be getting paid to learn and as a PhD student, there’s no pressure to make major scientific discoveries and earn grants, but if you demonstrate that you have a solid knowledge of the background and the practical work in your field, as well as critical thinking ability and presentation skills which you’re expected to learn by going through the program and not necessarily before you begin, your PhD is considered a success.
I also came to play. Which brings me to the second encounter. Anyone who’s remotely interested in Science should find a way of talking to Dr. Kim Kelly. And anyone who thinks hardcore science is no fun should also talk to her. She has all the explosive energy of an atom bomb and all the enthusiasm of the most bubbly cheerleader of your acquaintance (come to think of it, she may have been a cheerleader once..). And she’s making a big splash with her science. Talking to her reminded me that my enthusiasm levels in general were flagging.
Plus, almost word for word, she reiterated what Prof said the previous week – the biggest failure is to never try.
And finally, this is addressed to any jaded grad students who might also be reading my post and rolling their eyes. Here’s a (hard) lesson I learnt from a senior ballet teacher who’s a dragon on the outside and a treasure on the inside.. if it hurts, smile wider.
Something to remember when you drop an experiment that took you two weeks and 700 dollars to do.
Unfortunately, Zynga has been the bane of my life – how can I ignore my poor Frontier chickies when they’re clucking away every half hour demanding to be fed? Or resist expanding my pretty city with its fountains and peaceful housing communities by the zoo? Or keep from digging treasure on exotic islands? Or learn the colourful new recipes that Playfish’s Restaurant keeps putting out?
Also, I like getting perspective on how other minds can think – living someone else’s life through a story provides that.
